gosh.this week has been a freaking stressful week la ok.like...with all the results...all the chairman things.like..so frustrating la.with the class not working well with me.like...do i need to shout at you people all the time?do you have to rely on me to shout at you people to leave the class immediately??like...who do you think i am?you think i'm THAT free to shout at you people every second??like...wtf la.
there were even times when i felt like crying in front of the class.i just SO cannot take it okay.with the whole class like that.especially during cs class.like...the whole class was supposed to line up quietly and in two STRAIGHT lines.and know what?i felt so pissed off when i saw one girl that i dont like to mention her name,out of line.and when i 'signalled' her to move into the line,she looked blankly at me,with her 'innocent' face.like...can i cry???and when the class is not in a straight line,I will be at fault.and its ME,not them.how idiotic can that be huh?like...hate her la.damn her.oh.yes.and when i signalled her to move in,i had to do that for many times la okay.like...if she's in CRESCENT,why cant she understand me.and it was SO obvious that i was reffering to her la.how stupid can she be tell me?
im SO sorry.i know...im SO not supposed to talk like this about my friend.but i just cant afford to keep it in me all the time.like...telling some of my other friends are really not worth the time.they would just say "SYA...RELAX LA.ITS JUST ONE THING THAT YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT"like...wtf la.expect me to relax,to clam down.like...they think that its SO easy to be the chair.
just really wonder how jane could cope with everything.like..gosh.and her school results are super good la ok.unlike mine.mine's a total bunch of shit okay.like...wtf.and..i've been so moody nowadays.just really have no clue why.gosh.like...everything's going wrong.everything.just aint right for me now.
if only the class had not voted me as the chair,i would have been able to relax in class,not care about all the unimportant stuffs that a chair should care for.like...damn it la.i know its an honour.but when its a total stress,than i cant take it.like...what bunch of shit la.
me,being only in sec one,feeling so stressful now.imagine being in the upper secs.like...wtf.
anyways,i found that a friend of mine from malay class slashes her wrist.really wonder what she was trying to do.finding attention?stress?trend??like...i dont know...like...its so sad to find out that she slashes her wrist.it cant be too stressful to even try it out la.cant she even find another way of coping with the stress?instead of slashing?does she even not have brain herself?like...wtf la.gosh.
life in crescent is so different now.being a chair is like...so very stressfu la ok.if only i had the chance to step down like gretchen.it would be such a pleasure la ok.and its like...i just totally cant find the right reasons to step down.like...my only reason is that i cant cope with it.seriously.and i bet the reason is so totally unacceptable.seriously. what the f-ck la ok.gosh.

i want to be ordinary again
i dont want to have a special position in school
i want to live like how i normally do
i want to be the same syafiqah that you know,the un-stressful one
who takes her time to do her works and stuffs
who doesnt care about what the chairpersons care about

i want to lead a normal life
i want a life that is not as stressful as it is now.
i understand that life is stressful.but i never expected it to be THIS stressful
i just really cannot cope with it.

but wells,i shall just have to give off my best for the class,and remain thinking positive as far as i can take it.i'll try to be brave in school,prevent these tears from dropping,prevent from being pitied by my friends in school.

i want to be an example in class.how am i to be able to lead a class when i myself am senstive,who says that "I CANNOT,I CANNOT,I CANNOT".if i were to be like that,what are my other classmates going to be?definitely worst than me,right?for i am their role model,and that they should follow and listen to me,whether they think that i am doing something right or wrong.

i will keep on living this life,try to fill everyday with smiles,not the depressed expression on my face.it totally sucks whenever i show that face.really.

cant wait for everything to end.
cant wait for dec hols.i really wanna go out and have fun,relax myself after a really stressful year.yeas.cant wait for the miracle to happen.really am looking forward to it.
yes.


may the tears dissapear,changed to smiles of joy and laughter

sya